I am here today to discuss something completely different from our usual topics. Not automated marketing, not social media marketing… monkeys. No really, in light of our #NeverTrustaMonkey campaign this week, I am here to discuss the primate’s competency (or should I say incompetency) to manage your email marketing.
They’re indifferent to your marketing success
Since monkeys are wild animals, they have the an “every man for himself” mentality. They’re just out for their own success, they couldn’t care less about your success. Just think how that could translate to your marketing campaign. Not good.
They’re lazy little things
Although they have to gather their food rather than just walking to the food court to get some lunch (except for maybe the monkey in the video below), they are not very motivated when it comes to getting stuff done, especially with your email marketing. They are really lazy and major slackers on the job. I mean, just look at how unhappy this monkey is at the mere thought of doing your email marketing!
This guy needs to lay off the Little Debbies and Italian food.
And look at this guy off task, just standing around until you catch him slacking off.
They don’t actually listen to your concerns
First issue to address in monkey communication would be the language barrier. Frankly, none of them speak English, and they sometimes they don’t even understand what you’re telling them to do! On top of that mess, they barely even try to improve their communication. Just look at how apathetic this guy is with his earbuds. Unbelievable.
They’re super rude
These monkeys are so aggressive! Yeah, I get it. You want my business, but if you’re going to be rude about it? As if! Just look at the poor girl in the video below, she doesn’t want your business okay?! If you do decide to work with these guys for your email marketing, just be prepared to be pushed over the edge, literally. If you don’t believe me, watch the video below. They’ll even do it to their loved ones! I can’t imagine how intolerable they are in the workplace, look at their angry resting faces!
This guy must not be a morning person.